Have you ever wondered why doing certain things your kids always fight. Why when you are teaching them they are not picking it up. So did I for the longest time.
Through work recently I have been put into leadership training. Some at Nait and some in house. I went into this thinking this is stupid, I already know how to deal with people. I came out of it learning a bunch of skills to be used at work and home. It really brought things to light including my own approach to teaching.
Fist of all, what type person are your kids. Independent, Dependant, interdependent. Here are some rough explanations.
Someone who likes to work at things alone with no help from others. An independent person teamed up with a dependant person will have conflict. The dependant person will need constant help while the independent one hates people being around. They are best left to do it alone but can work with interdependent people.
Someone who needs constant help and reassurance to work. Dependant people will have conflict if tasked to do something on their own.
Someone who can work alone but also take help from others. Interdependent works well with dependant and independent people, or by themselves, but they prefer to be in a team setting.
Now once you figure this out with your kids you can see why conflict starts.
For me, I started watching and After time I found that for me my oldest is Independent. My little girl is interdependent and my son is dependant.
I witnessed that every time my son and oldest daughter do something it always ends up in a fight. Now I know why. So I stopped pairing them together in tasks around the house. No more fighting.
My little girl works well with both her brother and sister or on her own. Most times I will have her and her brother do things together.
My son works well with one sister but not his oldest sister. If he is by himself, me and mom will need to check up on him while his sisters can be left alone to work.
So when we are doing things around the house like cleaning, I now know who can be paired with who. This has made things so much easier for everyone. Less time being a ref and more time cleaning up.
Knowing this has made a huge difference in our home. Now there still is fighting from time to time don’t get me wrong, but less of it for sure.
This also is seen during play time. But at least I can now foresee when conflict might arise and nip it in the butt before it starts.
Let me know if you would like more info on this, as this was really quick overview. Also google is a good way to find more but you really have to search. The book 7 habits of highly effective people is a great read.
A good write-up I found to read is here.
Let me know what you think and if this helps.